What if...

November 29, 2012

What if the pain in my shoulder disappeared suddenly, my house was vacuumed and I felt financially secure.

From Mexico to Health Care Benefits

November 26, 2012

I just returned from Cuernavaca, Mexico “The Land of Eternal Spring” where we visited Claire. The streets can be European, cobblestoned, historical, dirty, crowded, capitalistic and mysterious. Every door seems to open into beautiful cafes, gardens, art museums and slow paced friendly people.

Two things occurred to me today. One is that each moment of my life is rich with the dirty, crowded, mysterious past. Doors open up into secret gardens and creativity. Therefore, there is no reason to regret the past. Two, is that I'm going to switch to a Shutterfly journal where I can decorate with pictures, invite others to contribute pictures and order some pages to be printed for our coffee table.

November 27, 2012

As I embraced the pain in my shoulder, I began to pivot to a different path leading me to think less about my shoulder and more about interesting events in my life.

My next move is to see whether the town of Westford, Vermont pays health care benefits. If they don't pay health care benefits, I'm not going to work until 6 or 7 a few days per week plus Saturday hours. I'm going to keep looking and looking. Perhaps I'll make a list.

If they do pay health care benefits, I'm going to commit myself to reading and writing during the extra time I have in the mornings plus take some online seminars in how to be an up-to-date cutting edge public librarian.

Temp work?

Temp work might be a good idea to removed me from the rut of thinking I have to work my way up as a low paid librarian. I like the way that one feels. It might include rearranging my life a bit. That might not be a bad thing either. I could serendipitously wind up at a company where I might not have applied for a job yet it is the perfect job. There are many ways to win the lottery.

Holding the Camel

Jewish folktale: A man is ridiculed for walking with his son when they have the transport of a camel. He is scolded for asking his son to walk while he rides on the camel. Someone else berates the son for allowing his father to walk while he rides the camel. After the father and the son both climb onto the back of the camel, the animal rights people show up. That's when they decide that the only politically correct thing to do is carry the camel.

Cover letter: You may have noticed on my resume that I did not stick with any one job for very long. I want to apologize in advance for leaving even though my enjoyment of each position was genuine. Contributions always include newsletters, seizing upon learning opportunities, passion for helping others, figuring out improvements on the system, collaborations and my calm pleasant demeanor. Curiosity led me to drop my first professional position after two years just to see what it would be like to enter the new age world of massage therapists where I burned out after two years. Sensitivity to the cry of my baby made infant day care impossible back when I was a school library media specialist. After attending Le Leche League meetings, I sat nursing in a rocking chair in a sunny room while devouring the stack of parenting books on the table next to my chair. Can I put that on my resume?

Now I'm fifty four and a half, exhausted from pain in my shoulder waking me up at night, afraid to go to the doctor until I can find a job with adequate health insurance and wondering what to do next.

Regretting Regret

Oh no you're doing it again. You can't time travel, OK. Just this morning, or maybe it was last night, I was back in 1991 meeting my husband Paul. Only this time I had graduated from the U of Iowa with my degree in English with a emphasis in creative writing, instead of dropping out to go live with a boyfriend in Vermont who I was afraid I maybe should not have broken up with. Since I had always wanted to travel I decided to be a travel agent pre-Travolocity. While gaining experience and supporting myself as a travel agent, I gradually attracted recognition as a travel writer. By the time I met my future husband, I had written about my experiences in countries all over the world and was gaining recognition as a short story writer. I had also started a novel and was thinking about settling down more.

Then I catch myself and realize, yes, I did time travel in my mind. What about now? Am I worth anything now?

Regret

November 5, 2012

Regret

Often I time travel in my mind envisioning great vistas of career paths. Quite often my mind drifts to this reverie while walking Sweet Georgia Brown (SGB). She happily chases balls and smell detours while I travel back to the land of successful writer, school library media specialist, travel agent, chef and cookbook writer, college public relations administrator and integrative medical expert. Sometimes I leap off the gradual career path and into winning the lottery right now.